What a looong and Tiring day.....

Hey there.....

well, I actually wanted to blog yestday when I was online but I was doing three things at the same time. I was on msn chatting with my friend, sms-ing my other friend and trying to write a blog. Well, I kind of got fustrated that my thoughts were kind of broken every now and then so in the end I didn't write the blog.

Well, today is really a very long day. Man, I left the house at about 8 for training and am home at about 9 at night. Had training, went with my track friends to orchard to see some of my school's charity busking stuff then went walking about with them till we were all dead beat....sigh....my neck is still arching from all that carrying of bag.

Well, I don't think that I got the mood to be philosopical today because I am really tired to do any more typing. Need to go have time for myself.........

Drifting apart is inevitable.....Sadist

Sigh.....Well, I guess no matter hw close friends or best friends are you will inevitably start drifting apart after some time, especially if you guys have a change in enviroment.

Well, I got this very close China friend that told me that people change when they go to different enviroments and he says that he knows best given that he stayed in different p阿rts of China and has seen more and witness more than me.I tried to deny it thinking that fundamentally there are still things in a person that will not change....which will mean that relationships might not necessary change much. Well, I certainly do not need him to remind me about all that changing for i have witnessed many things myself in the short span of 1 year plus when my best friends and I went to different colleges.

Well, one very good example to illustrate to yourself that you do behave differently in a different enviroment and with different people, try inviting just 2 groups of your friends that you got to know at different places,under different circumstances or maybe at diiferent times to do something together and you will see that your friends worlds do not match a lot and you might be caught in the middle with the need to entertain both parties. Well, I did that once and never did it again :( How nice it would be if your friends are also your friends friend etc, a big group of friends together but that is just not possible..... :(

Well, the me 2 years ago would never have expected to the me 2 years later in JC be so different that some of my values, principles and morales change. Maybe that 10 years in a missionary school have not taught me enough to keep some of the stuff deeply embedded in me. I did learn to be a better person in there, learn how life should be but once I left, all these start to fade away.

Then there are times when there are conversations among some of your close friends that you can relate to at all etc and thus feel alienated from them although at other times, you guys maybe very happy and close to each other because of some past memories that you guys share together. It really saddens me to see the differences that have formed between us no matter how close we were in the past. They say 知音难求 but they forgot to mention whenther 知音 in what sense and how loing that would last under what conditions. sigh......

It really frightens me at times to think that at the end of the road, you might have a lot of friends that came and go, close or just normal "hi-bye" friends and you will be left standing alone.

who knows e Real Measurement of efforts?

Well, the season of block tests are over and here comes the fruits of our short june labour...种瓜得瓜，种豆得豆...which wasn't good at all for me.

Well, i already know or roughly know my physics, maths and Chem results all of which are all very bad and I am definitely depressed about my physics and maths results. well, i suppose my poor mahs results were becaz my year 1 foundation work is pretty bad still...i think. then my physics is the one that i am most disappointed in as i really spent the most time on it and i merely just pass by a few marks, how great is that? i didn't really spent much time on chem and i think all the time spent in total was less than 5 days and so i kinda expected the bad grade for it but i failed man! first time i failed in an chem major test!

well, we often say that we have put in our efforts to do a certain thing better or have done our utmost for something. have we? well, did we really put in our best or are we unknowingly holding back something? then when w eget poor results whatever the reason, was it the real reason or is it an excuse for something else like slacking or playing too much? are we in self-denial about our grades? the worst part of self-denial is that you won't know it yourself unless you really sit down and force it out of yourself or are told by someone that you are cheating no one else but yourself.

i am often caught in some mental struggle as i often think too much and there is always the 2 extreme ends of thought fighting it out in me and usually i am lost till the very last moment before an important decision is made or still lost about it through the decision. so whenever i come to a decision or thought about about anything, i would inevitably start questioning myself if that is what i really think or merely something i think i am or should be thinking. the distinction can be very hard to tell at times.

given the possibilities of self-denial, not knowing if the voice in you is really you who can really tell what you are up to? or are you really already am sure of your path in life? wel nothing make you think again? perheps you should think about that

What a hussle to begin.........

Finally my blog is done and it was no simple task. Many thanks to Denise. Don't really know how I should start this thing but I suppose there is no right or wrong way to start it or a standard way to do it right? Here goes......

Hmm...Do I need to introduce myself? Well, I suppose if you managed to find your way here by Whatever means or through my publicities, you will already know that I am a girl of 18 years of age and counting. Well, I come from one of the higher end JCs in Singapore and am only involed in Track and Field in my school.In my posts to come, I will try my best not to reveal any names in my thoughts about certain stuff and I think that this is what's best for everyone.I will certainly try my best to keep this blog as updated as possible although I am lazy to come online these days and another factor is also the time contraints.

Well, I am not the type who would blog because I don't really see the logic behind it until one point in the past few months that I realised that there are many things(maybe trashy and nonsense) that always cross my mind but there is not always someone there to listen to my thoughts or sudden surge of philosophical thoughts. Then, there are also things that I find hard to put into words and somethings that I can't tell anyone but am really dying to tell.

So stay tuned to find out how the my worlds often collide with each other and in turn make my mental health fell real horrible. Whether or not I learnt something or am stubborn to all things.....well, we'll see..........